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letting go
December 2009 
What is it that you do to let go?
Posted on Sep 13th, 2008
by 
Janet
Janet
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for September 13, 2008:
death grip #9
What do you mean, I'm holding on too tightly??
Seriously, this is a great question,
as I'm in that place I might call the "final frontier" of letting go.
It seems we let go of all the easy stuff first.
So when it gets down the last bits, they're not just bits,
they're the core.
And I feel my huge resistance to letting go of the core.
After all, that's me, right?
If I let go of that, what will be left?
I'm still confronting these basic fears:
Fear of no Center
Fear of no Meaning
Fear of no Self
What seems to work best for me is focus on breath,
and exhaling in particular.
Seriously, this is a great question,
as I'm in that place I might call the "final frontier" of letting go.
It seems we let go of all the easy stuff first.
So when it gets down the last bits, they're not just bits,
they're the core.
And I feel my huge resistance to letting go of the core.
After all, that's me, right?
If I let go of that, what will be left?
I'm still confronting these basic fears:
Fear of no Center
Fear of no Meaning
Fear of no Self
What seems to work best for me is focus on breath,
and exhaling in particular.
Access: Public
janet, you always make me think…and i am wondering…do we actually let go of those things…self, core, meaning…or do we just integrate them with awareness…weaving a healthier aspect of our 'whole' selves? hmmmmmmmmm…you really for some reason always get me to think deeply…
please, tell us more about your experience, with all the details, whenever. Helps a lot knowing you are also in it, makes me feel less alone and stupid.
thanks star~ I think maybe integration and letting go don't have to be mutually exclusive? but it may be harder to integrate anything if I'm using all my energy to hold on…you know what I mean?
vi~ I don't think my story is anymore interesting than anyone else's…but I will say with confidence that you are far from alone:-)
details: double the length of exhale
I love the way you appraise this question..like from outside the experience.
A interested but impartial observer..
I found that at the core of all these interpersonal cores..lies the same thing..as you point out…Fear..
I know one thing for sure…I'm still peeling the onion..i doubt i'll ever get to the core in this life..but who really knows..
When i turn it over and refuse to let go..I always end up upside down..
and i'm getting tired of it…;-)
(let's hope 3 times is the magic number….this comment keeps getting poofed!)
maze~ yes, lengthening the “control pause” between breaths is a great way to alter perspective
larry~ let's just keep turning on the spit and roasting the hell out of ourselves, eh?
Roasting on the spit of love..I think I hear a song…;-)
and a good laugh is always a great way to get that extra
“releeeeeeeee-easssssssssse” … ; >))
hey j…it is always surprising to me at least, when i am holding on to anything…i don't necessarily recognize it immediately, and usually have to have it mirrored to me…then it is like a little light bulb moment…and i just shake my head and laugh…integrating i find to be different…though…maybe i we are just looking at it from different perspectives…or maybe you are way ahead of me on this and could mirror some light? lol…
peri ~ yes to the power of laughter. did you hear the one about…..? lol
star ~ that sneaked in while I was laughin with peri…
thank goddess for all the beautiful gaia mirrors:-) I think we're striding together on this one.
and larry thanks for spitting that sweet vid my way:-)
Disclaimer: I know nothing of your particular situation, so this is what I've got. ;)
I gotta inject some optimism from my own experiences here: When you let go of 'core' things, you may just find that they weren't your core at all. I'm a bit tenacious, so most of my alleged 'core' had to be stripped away by life's events. But, when it was all over, I suddenly found that there was something even more amazing underneath there. That has happened to me twice now, and it's one of hell of a good feeling.
hey grey…please continue…i am much intrigued…would love to hear about it…that is, if you are so inclined to share your experience further…pls…lol
Christof/GreyStone- nice to meet you.
I am not at all pessimisstic about the journey to the center of the universe:-)
And, I love what you brought to the conversation. When I use the word “core” it simply means the shell used to “protect” the core, which is ultimately just energy, right? Hence the Fear of no Self.
Thanks for stopping by!
Well, here's the short-and-bitter of it. I was hand-fasted to a wonderful woman a little while back. We had been high-school sweethearts, and everything was fantastic. I was military. She was a geneticist. We nailed down the so-called 'American Dream' with two cars and a comfortable home. Times changed, and she decided to become an officer in the military. During training, she sustained a head injury which has changed her personality entirely. She's not necessarily disabled: she's just not the same person.
Within the space of about six months our finances fell apart (she maintained a large portion of our income), she became pregnant by someone else, and I lost my job. Everything was repossessed. It was an extremely trying time for me. It stripped away everything that I had to that point considered 'core' to who I was: care-free, kind, loving, trusting, etc. Two months after all of this occurred, I had a new job, a new home, a vehicle, and one or two decent friends. Two months. All the extraneous stuff was removed to reveal a survival capability and a strength of character that I never knew about. It was an excellent opportunity to give up and become quite the drama scene (and most would've thought me justified in doing so). However, I made choices that rerouted the course of my life completely. Thus, I keep repeating my belief that the force of our will is all we need to become happy. That's exactly what I did. The other stuff was just extra. It was good stuff, no doubt, and I keep some of it around. However, it wasn't as 'core' as I thought it was.
So, there's the quick story. There's a lot more to it, but this isn't my blog. So, I want to stay focused on what Janet was talking about: try not to be frightened about removing your 'core'. If you actually have the choice to do so, then it's not really as core to you as you might think.
Blessed Be.
EDIT: Just saw your comment, Janet. I think I understand now. That's quite a thought. I'll have to ponder it today. Although, I think that what you're saying fits right in with my thoughts in that regard: perhaps there is no identity of self at our core. Maybe we're all one whole creature. Personally, I find that thought very comforting. :)
Grey Stone~
thanks for sharing your story. I see you have great inner strength and determination to move forward, take the high road. Beautiful! What it points out to me is that the circumstances…hmmm…shares root with circumference or surroundings….will constantly change… sometimes dramatically, sometimes so subtly we don't notice.
Now, I'll bring larry's comment about the onion back into the loop. Do the circumstances/circumferences/layers of experience serve to protect the center or to get us closer to the core which may simply be the awareness of One Energy?
I'm enjoying this conversation. Thanks everyone for joining me.
u go girl…the illusional onion around the illusional core…LOL…OMG…i am rotf…you had me for a minute there…what a mindfuck till i burst out lmao…
chris…i so enjoyed what you shared…and ditto what j said…thnx…
It's an interesting question. In my particular belief, these journeys through and around the onion are designed to eventually reconnect me with this One Energy. Through life lessons (and perhaps several lifetimes), my piece of the One Energy is improved upon. One day, I'll be returning that piece (and, thus, all that I am) to the greater whole, hopefully making an overall improvement with my contribution. That idea in itself starts to broach others (such as the collective unconscious). That's my thought on the “One Energy, One Onion” idea. ;)
thanks Janet, this is the kind of stuff that keeps me coming back to gaia :) instead of letting go :)
good to see you Shirl~ let play the let go game together!
GreyStone~ I love the one energy/one onion so much I'm straight off to find me an onion icon:-) Have we ever left the One, except in our perceptions? I don't know the answer to that yet…so I'll just keep peeling.
oh star~ I'm sure there was a remark by dear maze earlier today;-) to the effect that “just fuck it” is a good way to let go sometimes….
In my understanding, the One Energy we're discussing is immanent. Of course, the very idea of immanence suggests that everything from the wine you drink to the newspaper blowing down the street possesses spiritual power. In which case, everyone you meet and everything you touch is divine. That's a rather large notion to wrap one's mind around. All the same, the short answer to your question is no, regardless of perception. If we accept Christof's belief system as a solid premise (which it isn't; it's just a path), then no one ever 'leaves' the One Energy. We all are It and It is us, and each event, each era: they are the movements of this wondrous creature. So sayeth the me of it all. :D I'd love to hear your thoughts, too, Janet. What do you think of a collective unconscious or the idea of immanence?
this is meat…good stuff!
Pearl…
deep within the ocean of beingness,
there hides a glorious treasure,
a beautiful pearl beyond magnificent,
it's worth no one can measure…
it's majesty, has always been,
hidden beneath the waves,
brightness of true nature mirrored,
essence; empty-form, betrays…
dance oh dance, oh praise omniscience…
song bursting of heart does rejoice…
in brilliant silence, sounds ever heard;
angelical finding true voice…
when chaos of a star is born,
luminous rainbows are seen,
energy dances; luminescence explodes
the pearl crystallizes…pristine.
StarLight Dancing…free on energy…LOL
ooooh lovely starlight! freon energy heehee is that renewable?….you're a trip sist-ah!! love ya.
C- I think the collective is pretty unconscious…no offense intended, but the masses, among whom I must reluctanctly though not constantly include myself, spend most of the time in fantasy about past or future and little letting go into the Now. Perhaps that is the trick to feeling the One-yum – uh oh, I'm making up words again;-)
In seriousness, my thoughts about the One-ness, are that that's starting at the end. The better course is to just keep letting go of what's not true, which is anything that's not now, and then perhaps we can have moments of knowing the One.
Those are my thoughts at the moment.
Ever wonder why the Hearts of foods are delicacies? (Artichoke hearts, animal hearts, etc.)
That's the tenderest most flavorful part (though I can't speak really about animal hearts…ew, gross :-D)
And no one eats the outside layers of an onion…do they? :-D
All that one thinks they are letting go…are not really Yourself, but conditioned beliefs and other superficialities. The Pearl…The Heart…The Core…The True Self is found when you release all of that.
And there….OneYum :-D …LOL I love that :-D And love this blog and comments! Meaty AND Juicy!~~<3
Hi Janet….thought about your blog since yesterday, off and on. One of my deepest fears seemed to be a fear of Emptiness, a fear of not-doing. That one had me paralyzed in some ways for years. Finally in January of this past year I decided to just sit in the emptiness and not-doing for a month (except when having to be at work or other vital things.) Just facing and being with that fear helped so tremendously……..it was such relief to no longer feel such a paralyzing fear.
Facing the fears about no self, no meaning, no center….here is what I am discovering about those fears….that when the self seems to disappear or dissolve somewhat, what we're left with is everything and everyone else. The fear makes us say that it's gonna be a big deal and we're going to lose something, but what actually seems to be happening is that we GAIN everything, rather than lose something. So instead of just being Janet or Kathy….we get to somehow be Maze, and Starlight and Fast Dart and everyone else, too. Or our perspective, or something can shift from being identified too hard with just the thoughts & ideals of one limited perspective.
No meaning seems to also be becoming a joy, because everyone else's meaning becomes equally real. Like a kaleidescope turning. Ahh, this kaleidoscope view, this one, this one. No meaning has become more like “all meaning”. Of course then it's a hoot to watch the Ego try to re-establish itself and say “no, this meaning is the one meaning or how embarrassing, why did I have to express this one meaning when other people are disagreeing with it and I really believe so many of the meanings? And watching how you suddenly start to believe and grok with all meanings, even though you may prefer certain ones.
And when there's no center…..what becomes the center but awareness of the moment? The center is always solid and steady right where one is. Everything else changes but the kaleidescope remains the same. Awareness seems to become the center, a very solid center encompassing it all.
Just some thoughts….thank you so much for writing this and putting it out here for all of us to think about and explore within ourselves and face all these fears…….whatever selves those might be! :)
Ariela~ nice add about hearts…no one eats the outside layers, but they serve the purpose of protecting the tender inner treats.
and Kathy~ huge, gigantic YUM to your remarks. thanks for sharing your power story. it touches a really strong chord in me.
I have strung those 3 fears into a little sentence to remind of what to watch out for:
If I am not the CENTER of the universe, how can my life have MEANING to my SELF or anyone else? [insert whining intonation here]
The turnaround sentence could be something like this:
No center to the universe simply means that I can determine each moment's reality for myself.
Janet that is a beautiful turnaround..
Outside layers, poisons, protective layers, walls…
All those were from the days we were being attacked by predators :-D
Love the turnaround…though, what's wrong with being the center of your own universe? Not in the ego-maniacal way, but as Creator of your NOW?
this is wonder-filled! i caught up on this blog before even signing in to gaia, and before my morning cup of java…and could not wait to post what it inspired…
janet wonderful turn around…centria, i can resonate with your 'idea' of being in that emptiness…resurrected…right on!
when you look at the world through the eyes of physics, all those particles that are energy everywhere and nowhere, and influenced by actual seeing…you can get a better understanding of how it really is…the relationships between the observer and that which is observed is inseparable…it is like the black and white keys on a piano…the harmony of music…the solar system…all of us exchanging energy right here right now…emptiness that does not dance…is not true emptiness…the pearl or heart of being is free to create within it's own potential…and has many realities to choose from…it can feel those layers of the onion, or wear them loosely…then by extension, also the world…and universe…until your energy is able to recognize and vibrate inward, outward…merging in and out of everything and nothing…how can we not dance our own light of day? LOL…be filled with your own joy…it's contagious! haha…love to all…and another little poem…
cosmic creation…
conciousness seeing…
particles dancing,
in and out of being…
reflection, reflecting,
reflection again…
uniting, dividing,
without and within…
forever becoming
the essence of all…
floating thru stillness…
an illusion of wall…
mirrors of mirrors,
what is seen today…
yesterday, tomorrow,
all is now the same…
cosmic creation…
conciousness seeing…
energy dancing,
in and out of being…
tlcoriginals…StarLight Dancing